When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.