Quotes by Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.