This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

All men are equal before fish.

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?

My life needs editing.