The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.

A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in.

Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them.

Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience.

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.

Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time making each other's speeches, that by the time election day is past there is nothing much to do save turn the sitting rascals out and let a new gang in.

Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.