A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.