I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.

Polite conversation is rarely either.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.