I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.