It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host.

I think serial monogamy says it all.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.