It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.

I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.

I don't mean to be funny.

Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting.