We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.