If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.