Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.