When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.