I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.