Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

Every speaker has a mouth An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

If you can laugh together, you can work together.