The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.

Thus so wretched is man that he would weary even without any cause for weariness... and so frivolous is he that, though full of a thousand reasons for weariness, the least thing, such as playing billiards or hitting a ball, is sufficient enough to amuse him.

I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.

I see great things in baseball. It's our game - the American game.

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.