Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.