Quotes by Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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