The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.