Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.