Quotes by George Carlin

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.