In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Religion is just mind control.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.