It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.