I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

(On seeing a former lover for the first time in years) I thought I told you to wait in the car.

I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.

Television could perform a great service in mass education, but there's no indication its sponsors have anything like this on their minds.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

Television could perform a great service in mass education, but there's no indication its sponsors have anything like this on their minds.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late start without me.

The less I behave like Whistler's mother the night before, the more I look like her the morning after.