Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies.

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.

A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable.

I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.

Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time.

Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time making each other's speeches, that by the time election day is past there is nothing much to do save turn the sitting rascals out and let a new gang in.

I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later for another thing, they die earlier.