Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!

For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.