When I was little I thought, isn't it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it's July 4th.

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

I do like to shock and surprise people. When it's all in good fun, of course.

I crashed my boyfriend's birthday when I was 12 years old. He didn't invite me and so I showed up.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same.

The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

It was my 16th birthday - my mom and dad gave me my Goya classical guitar that day. I sat down, wrote this song, and I just knew that that was the only thing I could ever really do - write songs and sing them to people.