When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money.

Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Don't knock the weather nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.

Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.