I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.