A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.